FINDING THE PATH TO HEALING

Dr. Phil, Deepak Chopra, Oprah, and, perhaps even the late Great Soul Mahatma Gandhi, would all agree with this: that the long journey to emotional healing begins with finding the right path and by taking the first step TODAY, not tomorrow, not next week, not "when you're ready," but NOW.

When we're hurt,deceived, or betrayed,and when we're left badly-scarred by our offender, we tend to "get stuck" in the ugly past and wallow in the mucky quagmire of bitterness, self-blame, and regrets. We say to ourselves, "I will move on when I'm ready...I will forgive when I'm ready...healing will then come and then I'll be ready to move on..."

That healing will JUST HAPPEN is an illusion.Healing doesn't just happen; it is made possible by (1) God's Grace obtained thru prayer; (2) the offended party himself/herself who should work out his/her own healing; and (3)the significant others (family & friends) who love us unconditionally and pray for us at the end of the day.

They say that there's no wound too deep that Time couldn't heal it. But there are memories too persistent that they get in the way of Time's healing action. This is where the Great Healer comes into the picture.

"My Grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness...Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Healing is only possible when, by God's Grace, we stop hurting and look beyond our own pain and also think of the pain being suffered by our offender. The path to healing can be found only if we're looking at the right direction-- up in heaven, calling upon the Great Healer.

I forgive my offenders. I pray for their healing, too. This is what I feel is the easiest, surest path to healing.

TO BURY, OR NOT TO BURY: THAT IS THE QUESTION!

Bury the hatchet - Idiom., means "to forget past grudges, make peace, and be friends again with former enemies;" originated from the Native American custom of literally burying their hatchets [called tomahawk- stone axe] and scalping knives as a sign of making peace.

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How exactly does one who has sustained deep emotional wounds and is still bleeding from a recent betrayal and deception "bury the hatchet"?

I can bury my hatchet, but I cannot promise not to "unearth" it the next time some insensitive vermin attempts to hurt, betray, or deceive me. Such is my predicament. I want to bury past hurts, pains, and bitterness, but it just seems so difficult to forget the lies,insults, and hurtful words uttered. Equally hard is recalling the happy moments before the rift or feud, to somehow make forgiving a lot easier.

I remember I wrote a little poem in college, which says:

"These are the things that torment me to death:

The things I can't recall and those I can't forget."

What I learned from the experience of being deceived and betrayed by the one person I least expect to hurt me, is this: that there is no point in wallowing in my pain and bitterness, in fretting about and grieving over my misfortune. Time will eventually efface all traces of the wrong done against me. Time is one of God's blessings to those who hurt. Time heals all wounds.

But some wounds leave ugly scars, which constantly remind us that we were once trampled upon, deceived, betrayed.

It is at this point of hopelessness that I hold on to the WOrd: "Do not fret because of evildoers...for they shall be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb...He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday." -Psalm 37:1-2, 6

"Vindication does not come from self-defensive arguments; it stems from integrity." -Psalm 26:1

With these assurances that God will vindicate me, I feel more secure. I strongly believe in Divine Justice. I don't think I'd still need my hatchet. But I'm not burying it. I'm BURNING it.#

THE NAMING OF DOGS

"The naming of dogs is a serious business..." -H.P. Atilano

I know this isn't very original. To those who have read Alfred Lord Tennyson's "The Naming of Cats," this is no novelty. I just want an appropriate opening for a topic that is so close to my heart: the naming of my dogs.

Some of my friends find it weird that I give my dogs two to three names. I started with Sophia Athena Lauren (Sophie) and Shutruk Maximus Nahunte (Shutie). Then, it became an even more serious business with the arrival of the first batch of litters: Sui Simone Guinevere, Slim Shady, and Jack Sparrow.

A dachshund came along and he was christened Sultan Cassius Caesar. Then, another litter of three: Strudel Mishael, Socrates Leonidas Octavian, and Sage Augustus Caesar.A litter born solo was named Suri Hermione Dawn. And another litter: Shinnik, Shamook, and Shakespeare. The most recent batch of three litters are called Shylock Brabantio Nahunte, Sam Mercutio, and Sappho Juno.

Perhaps, the more interesting question is not "why" do I give them their names, but "how"? How do I name, my dogs?

I name my dogs the way a mother would name a baby she's long been waiting for: uniquely, lovingly, tenderly. I usually make allusions to mythological/literary or historical characters. At times, I just put two or three cute names together and love the sound of it. I give them a name that would give them an identity, a uniqueness to which they will eventually respond. Most of all, with every unique name comes the reminder that someone loves them so much that she's willing to run the risk of being laughed at or tagged as weirdo.

THE ART OF LETTING GO

There are many ways of losing possessions, people, pets, etc. that we treasure so much-- through death, estrangement, distance, wrong choices, etc. In our lifetime, whether we like it or not, we will exprience terrible losses due to any or all of the ways mentioned above.

I've seen death steal a very close friend; I've seen death claim several of my beloved dogs; I've seen how estrangement creates walls and gulfs between people who were kindred spirits once.

Often, when we lose someone or something, we say, "Let go and let God." Some people elevate the act of letting go to an "art." They become masters of it. They learn to deal with the loss or separation and they sort of "withdraw" their "emotional bank account" before denial and despondence set in.

To some people, letting go means "detaching" oneself from the object of his/her affection. I say, this isn't exactly letting go. This is simply an act of self-preservation, a preventive measure to save oneself from the pain of losing someone or something.

I say, the true art of letting go is dealing with the loss, finding the wisdom behind the loss, and, with this wisdom, believe that we can't always have what we want; believe that, while we lost them, Someone found them and is taking care of them.